Fighting History

One of my major regrets is that I didn’t start a business in 2002. To be more accurate, I did start a business. I had an idea, built a prototype, went to SCORE mentor meetings, met with a great lawyer and filed paperwork. My site was getting visitors, I was getting emails from those visitors, and initial feedback was outstanding. My family, instead of being supportive, expressed concerns. Worry. Doubt. I felt their doubts creep into my head and take root. I got scared. Maybe they were right. What was I doing? I unwound all the work I’d done and put my head back down to blend in with the crowd.

I never forgot what my lawyer said when I called him to dissolve the corporation:

“If you spent as much time working on your business as you spend worrying, you’d already have revenue.”

I was young. I was far less mature than I am now. And I don’t blame my family; I blame my own reaction to what they said. I didn’t want it badly enough. I didn’t know what I wanted.

For the next 12 years, I wished I’d started the company.

This week was tough because it echoed history. I shared some good news and got back anxiety. Worry. I know it wasn’t intentional; in fact, my family has been incredibly supportive of my efforts this time around. But nonetheless, I spent the end of the week replaying my worries, reminding myself why this time would be different. Fighting my own shadows. It’s not a feeling I’m used to anymore, and not one I enjoy.

I didn’t give in. I’m different than I was. I’ve defeated far worse than some unformed doubts, and I know that the regret of never trying is more powerful than fear.

But I could use a spa. And chocolate. Possibly some flower petals and essential oils.

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Comments (2)

  1. Alexander

    Maybe it was lucky that you did not start 12 years ago. Maybe this time of maturing was necessary to really make you all you could be. I always had family worrying and giving me negative feedback and doubt. It was always my benchmark: if I could get them to the point that they’d see the possibility beyond the worry, then I felt like I was onto something. Power to you.

    Reply
    1. Stephanie (Post author)

      Hi Alexander, I’m definitely much stronger and more resilient now, maybe you’re right. Interesting thought about benchmarks, I have actually gotten good feedback from a major naysayer. Thanks for this perspective!

      Reply

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